Talking bananas in a live radio show. Thanks @ResonanceFM & @LewisSchaffer. https://t.co/Vox8mKKZ4S

Talking bananas in a live radio show.
Thanks @ResonanceFM & @LewisSchaffer. https://t.co/Vox8mKKZ4S

– Posted by MartiniComedian
on July 17, 2018 at 03:46PM

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RT @GaryDelaney: Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water, so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

RT @GaryDelaney: Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water, so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

– Posted by MartiniComedian
on July 14, 2018 at 01:15PM

There’s a lovely blind girl singing outside @Poundland in #WestCroydon. I stopped for 5 seconds (cause I like performing backing vocals!) and gave her some change. She smiled: “Thanks!”. For a second, I felt the happiest human alive. #Trump #Brexit #WhereAreAllMyComedyAwardsNow?

There’s a lovely blind girl singing outside @Poundland in #WestCroydon.
I stopped for 5 seconds (cause I like performing backing vocals!) and gave her some change.
She smiled: “Thanks!”.
For a second, I felt the happiest human alive.
#Trump #Brexit
#WhereAreAllMyComedyAwardsNow?

– Posted by MartiniComedian
on July 13, 2018 at 03:18PM

Deep inside, I wanted #England to lose in the final on Sunday, cause then I could have said: “Football has been stopped by Border Agency in Calais.” Bloody Croatians, ruining my jokes!!! #ItsNotComingAnymore #ItaliansJinxingMajorTeamsOutOfBitterness

Deep inside, I wanted #England to lose in the final on Sunday, cause then I could have said:
“Football has been stopped by Border Agency in Calais.”

Bloody Croatians, ruining my jokes!!!

#ItsNotComingAnymore

#ItaliansJinxingMajorTeamsOutOfBitterness

– Posted by MartiniComedian
on July 11, 2018 at 09:47PM

The 10£ jinx on France was unsuccessful so I find myself with this unwanted 18£. And here’s my reasoning: if the Three Lions qualify –> I’m happy else –> Sad but rich. What did you say? You asked what I’m having? Scampi & Chips. You’re welcome! #Jin… https://t.co/k342AGf2MN https://t.co/pOMWBHSapw

The 10£ jinx on France was unsuccessful so I find myself with this unwanted 18£. And here’s my reasoning:
if the Three Lions qualify –> I’m happy
else –> Sad but rich.

What did you say? You asked what I’m having?
Scampi & Chips.
You’re welcome!

#Jin… https://t.co/k342AGf2MN https://t.co/pOMWBHSapw

– Posted by MartiniComedian
on July 11, 2018 at 07:54PM